I know it might seem like I have been MIA but I've actually switched gears and am now working on a new blog. something a little less like a diary. so go on over and follow it! like right now. ahora! (thats spanish for "do it")

quite the novice. 

baby talk.

This morning when we heard Viola start to wake up from her sleep, Naz and I both ran to get her... so excited to see her little gummy smiles. We love her.

I try really hard not to talk baby talk in front of other people... but at home... its all that comes out of my mouth!

Naz's baby talk is probably the best. It's pretty much just him telling Viola all the things she's going to enjoy out of life. Todays topics included:

- riding bikes

- playing with her cousins and the guinea pigs

- being crazy with her crazy aunts Erin and Emma. (Emma is just a few years older than Vi)

- going to Hawaii

- and eating ice cream.

This weekend went to0 fast.

8 weeks old tomorrow.

Good grief I'm so in love. She smiles so much now and it is just heaven.

Today the girls from my birth class are coming over with their babies. Its gonna be so cute to have 4 babies here all the same age. I'm just stoked that we made friends out of this class. It helps when you all go through something as major as pregnancy together. And now we're gonna be moms together.

Good news is that Vi is still sleeping her 8 hour stretches The funny thing... is that now she wants to go to bed at 7 rather then 9. So when I just had to get up at say 5 am to feed her I'm now back to getting up at 3. But the other night she slept for 10 hours... so I'm sure she will start making that her common, and I'll be back to just waking up at 5 and then 8 or 9.

And I do not like garbage trucks. Their ridiculously loud noises wake babies up from naps.

where the heck have I been?

oh yeah... falling in love!

We are 7 weeks into this whole baby thing and life couldn't be sweeter. She is just perfect... and we are having a blast at being new parents.

I feel extremely fortunate to have the daughter that I do. She has been such a blessing already to us in her little life. I can't wait for all whats to come, but I'm definitely enjoying the place where she is. (in bed.. j/k)

It's so funny to me that all the horror stories I've heard from random people (usually clients) and what is portrayed on television have been so blown out of proportion. I was always told that having a baby would be the hardest thing I would ever do. And yes its true that it's hard... but i heard it so much that I would think.. "then why have a kid if its such torture?"

I know I've already written about all the doubters of my choice to have a natural drug free birth. And I know I had it easy, in that my first labor and birth was fast. But I look back knowing that I used all the knowledge I had learned over my pregnancy, and that I was prepared and unafraid for the task that God had prepared me for. And I believe with all my heart that it's possible.

So being a mom is possible too. I can see now how God has been preparing me. Gosh! same thing when I got married! People said.. "you think you know Naz now?" or "Marriage is so rough" And again... yeah sometimes I don't like Naz very much.. but I wouldn't trade him for anything. And because we were prepared, and because I actually did know him well... the transition into marriage wasn't bad at all. It was the natural progression of our relationship.

And now I see that the same thing has happened with this little girl. Naz felt so different the day she was born... but not me. Again I saw it as the natural progression from each day that had gone before during the pregnancy. So that when she came, I felt like... "of course! i've been a mom all along"

What a joy it is to know you have Gods plan for your life. And for me that includes this little girl. One who is not easy... who loves to cry for no reason.. who doesn't like the car?... but has the best smile in town. Knowing that God has prepared me.. and will continue to prepare me for each little step.. is definite relief.

adjustment to motherhood.

we are 21 days in... sometimes it feels like it might as well be a year.

at her first doctors appointment the doctor wanted us to take her into the E.R because she was looking pretty blue all over. So with me in tears we drive over to Cedars. They did an echo-cardiogram on her (which i've had done too!) and found that there was nothing wrong.. Praise the Lord. the reason for her blue-ness was no doubt the freezing doctors office coupled with having to strip her down to weigh her. Also at that appointment we learned that she was down to her 10% allotted weight loss and that she needed to start gaining from that day on. My milk still hadn't come in, and she hadn't had gone poop for now almost 5 days. This added more to my tears to the E.R for sure.

So with her heart officially perfect, it was time to tackle the feeding. In my heart I was really ok and prepared that breast feeding wasn't going to work out for us. Of course I was disappointed, but knew that having her gain weight and be healthy was most important. The part about formula that worried us the most was the cost. It's expensive. And we just don't have the extra income for it. But what have I been saying all along? That God provides. The morning after we went to the E.R and started to supplement, Naz went to the mailbox and inside was a jar of formula. It must have been a sample from the company or something... but I don't remember signing up for anything. Regardless, God knows our needs and always provides for His children.

Theres a place in town called the Pump Station, where they specialize in breastfeeding support and consultations. We went in for a consultation with one of their experts and got a plan of attack to try and get my milk flowing. I was overwhelmed for sure and felt pretty defeated. I was not enjoying breast feeding at all! We decided to give it till that friday. If my milk still hadn't come in we would stop all the teas, herbs, and pumping around the clock. Sure enough it came in on day 12. So now we are back on track, and don't have to worry about the cost of formula.

whew. theres a lot to being a mom in the first 3 weeks. But she is doing great now. And we are having a blast seeing her change and grow every day.

the day our Viola came along.

viola cruz, coming home.

I've already been told that I shouldn't tell my birth story. Fair warning... if you had a rough time in your labor/birth you might find this a bit irritating... but it is still my (our) story to tell and I think it was pretty cool/amazing how everything turned out.

I've always heard birth compared to a marathon, and while I can completely understand that statement, for me it was like a car crash.

As most of you know, I had been in early labor for about 2 weeks. I felt regular contractions/rushes and was told that I was dilated to 4/5 cm. I wasn't in any pain, so we waited. Walk after walk, night after night we waited for any sign that our little girl was on her way.

Friday the 17th I woke up at about 6:30 am with a pretty strong rush. Again there wasn't pain but I could feel the rush opening my cervix for sure. I feel back asleep only to be awaken 7 min later to another. With this one I woke Naz up and we started to time them. I looked at him and said "I don't think you're going to work today."

We were up (including my mom who had just flown in), eating breakfast, calling our doula Shelia, calling my sister Jamie to get up here from SD, and standing during each rush. They were about 5-7 min apart but I knew we didn't have much time. I began to get in the "zone" during each rush. Standing was the most comfortable for me with Naz or my mom squeezing my hips in.

We left for Cedars Sinai at 9:20 am during morning traffic. A 10 min trip to the hospital was now going to be at least 30. I kept praying for strength to endure since I figured at any point on this car ride things could get a whole lot worse. I was uncomfortable and irritable, but I was focused on keeping my cool and relaxing. I just kept thinking: 'at any point the pain will come and I need to be ready.'

When we got to the hospital I remember saying sternly to Naz "valet!" as we drove into the parking garage. As we were getting on the elevator our doula was right there walking into it with us (awesome). Of course we just needed to go up 2 floors, and the elevator kept going to different floors and people getting on and off. "There's no other elevators for you people to be on?" I still had my sense of humor... good sign.

We got to the check-in desk, bypassed the exam room, and they took us to our labor room. It was about 10:30 am. I remember being so stoked that we got a room with a great view of the Hollywood hills. Just like the one we saw on our tour. It was beautiful. They had me to get on the bed, put on a gown, and get hooked up to the monitors... and thats when I felt pain. Any time I was in a position that wasn't comfortable for me I felt the pain. After the nurse checked me (I was at 8/9 cm and 0 station which meant the baby still needed to come down some ways) I stood right up and said that they were going to have to find a way to monitor me while I stood. My doctor, Suzanne, came in and told the nurse to just use the doppler on me. Bonus! I went to the restroom to go potty and I felt a pop and water gush. Suzanne wanted to check me again now that my water had broken and since I had told her I felt like my body was pushing. I was now at a 10 and she said I could push if I wanted, but of course reminded me that first time moms can push for hours. With that, she left the room.

My sister came through our door all smiles at about 11 am, so glad she didn't miss it. So was I. Even though I was down to business, we were so happy in that room; talking and enjoying the time. I felt really comfortable on the toilet, so back to the restroom I went. I wasn't feeling any pain. none. I felt my body pushing with each rush so i just bared down with each one and moaned to keep my body loose. Naz and our doula Shelia kept rubbing my shoulders down to remind me to keep from tensing up. And though the nurse was obviously uncomfortable with me sitting on the toilet, she still thought that I had a ways to go. (Ha!)

As I sat there between a rush, I felt to see if I could feel anything. I know they said that I could be pushing for a while, and that she was still a little high... but I just knew she had to be closer then they said. Sure enough I could feel the top of her head. I whispered to Naz that I felt her, so he felt her too. I knew if the nurse knew how close I was that she would make me get on the bed. I was much too comfortable where I was. Even when I began to feel a slight stinging. At this point Jamie and Shelia knew I was close. I kept thinking there had to be more... but sure enough...

With a sudden "pop" (for lack of better expression) half her head came out. At this point I thought it was ok to tell the nurse. She yelled "GET ON THE BED NOW! YOU CAN NOT HAVE YOUR BABY IN THE TOILET!" um yeah lady "duh doy"... so I waddled over to the bed with half her head out and got on my knees and elbows across the foot of the bed. I was really calm considering the nurse had run out of the room looking for my doctor. Jamie just kept saying... "don't worry we won't let her fall on the ground" I wasn't even aware that she was almost out with no one behind me to catch. Shelia was ready to catch her when a nurse midwife ran in just in time for the next rush that pushed her out all on its own. I could hear her crying but was always expecting more pain so I couldn't believe that the cries I heard were of my own little girl. They handed little Viola Cruz LaMay to me through my legs and I was finally able to hold and see the face I had dreamed about. It was 11:52 am.

Its hard to believe that she's here. The same girl the pregnancy test I took in a Target bathroom on a Monday morning 9 months ago was telling me about. Nazareth and I are in awe of Gods provision and guidance through the whole pregnancy, and the ability to have given birth exactly how we wanted. And now we have a daughter! Who by the way is ridiculously cute. We fall in love with her more and more each day, and can't wait to see all the ways God will work in her life.

38 weeks 4 days and one big girl.

our wait is over. and I can't wait to tell the story... but feeding time is soon.

here is our little girl. Viola Cruz LaMay. 9.4 pounds and 22.8 inches long.

this is my favorite picture of her so far. she was only about 2 hours old... and did I mention the hair? she has a ton of dark hair... perfect for her hairstylist mommy.

37 weeks. full term. 4cm.

Well we have made it to full term and I am already in early labor. Saturday night we went into the hospital but I was only at 3cm so we decided to go home. I got checked out again by my doc on Monday and was told I was at a 4 and 80% effaced. It is now wednesday and I'm praying and praying I go into active labor soon.

I have loved being pregnant. Seeing the way that God has guided us through this time has been amazing. His provision has been steadfast and His love has been shown to me in ways I have never seen before. I really do believe I will miss being pregnant.

With that said... I can't wait! for the next stage. Naz and I have been saying over and over that we can't wait to hold her and see her and cuddle her. Its just time. For her and for us... to move onto what God has in store for us now. I have to say I am getting pretty impatient, knowing that we are so close to having her in our arms. Especially feeling contraction after contraction hoping that thats going to be the one to start the whole deal.

What to do in the meantime? Lots of prayer and crying out to Jesus, bouncing on the birth ball, doing squats... and of course walking. Naz and I took such a long walk last night... at least I got a foot rub afterwards! haha. ok. I gotta get out of the house.

t.v tears.

I think being pregnant makes you notice every other lady who is pregnant. And that goes the same with television. I've been tearing up with every baby commercial. So I thought it would be fun to post the good ones I could find online.

even though we plan on cloth diapers.. it still gets me.

P&G might not be a very good company cuz of their animal testing... but what a sweet commercial.

36 weeks.

wow. 9 months. No more then 4 weeks left... but probably less. I've always had the feeling that she is coming early, and I feel it even more now.

Yesterday was nothing short of a blast. We had our LA baby shower and were so overwhelmed by all that Brandy and Jennifer did to prepare for it. They turned our very empty pool area into the sweetest baby shower ever. Brandy was up and over here early and went so far and beyond anything I could have asked for. I can't wait to get the pictures from it. Brandy's sister in law, Heather, made the deserts and they were incredible! Everything was so delicious.

Speaking of pictures. Our friend Jennifer Jasso who also did the shower... took some rad pictures of us down in hollywood at Amoeba records. It was CRAZY windy that day. But for the ones that she sent me over so far... they came out great. They don't even look like us! haha. It was a lot of fun, and I'm so glad that we get to have these pics to remember our time with the nerd inside. She also took some pics of the party of course and some of us in the nursery... so I'll post those when we get them. How lucky am I to have such talented friends.

Baby: she is still moving around and it is so much fun to feel her. I think I'm actually going to miss it when the time comes. Funny hu? I was so nervous to feel her in the beginning.. thinking I wasn't going to like it. But we've come a long way. She is dropping lower and I've even felt some contractions here and there. Its definitely exciting to know that she'll be here soon enough.

Mom: I feel really prepared and that is reassuring. My mom got her flight booked today for the 14th... so thats exciting. It's going to be fun having my family around to welcome their first granddaughter.

woops.

I am so THAT girl! The one that can only talk about her dang baby. haha. I would talk about other things if there were other things in my life to talk about... but especially in the last few weeks and days, Naz and I have just been focusing on getting ready. Well... if thats what I've become then I'm just gonna have to embrace it. ok at least for right now.

It's been amazing though seeing Gods provision throughout all this. Getting pregnant was such a huge answer of prayer to both Nazareth and I... even though we had two different questions we were asking. All along He has guided us... and now that we are so close to having her here, His provision is all around.

1. We were able to move into a 2 bedroom apartment! Such a good deal... and we got to stay in the area we love and the complex we love. It was going to be a stretch every month... but then a month later Naz got a 2% raise! just enough for our increase in rent. DANG! God is so good.

2. My sister is letting us borrow all the essentials like her stroller, car seat, breast pump, and cradle.

3. We got a great deal on a dresser and mirror... were gifted the money for a book shelf.

4. Our baby shower was great. And Naz's parents got us, not only the big car seat and the most beautiful bedding, but they also got us the prefold diapers that we so desperately wanted. We were so shocked!

Seeing how He has provided all along in our 6 years of marriage just reassures me of His provision for the whole rest of it. And that's including the birth! haha.

This monday is our LA shower, and its going to be so much fun. My friends Brandy and Jennifer are going crazy! We are having a co-ed pool party here at our complex. My sister Jamie is driving up too so its going to be an awesome day. Naz wanted to have the girls room all ready to go for the party... and hanged if it isn't. We finished it up yesterday and it looks great. I'll have to do a post of it later with pictures.

35 weeks.

We have officially ended our Bradley Birth classes. I can't believe 12 weeks went by so fast! We had a blast going to our classes and learning so much about birth and babies. I would highly recommend them. Even if someone wasn't planning on a natural birth, there is so much to learn about the whole process... and these classes were so helpful. We feel as prepared as we are gonna get!

Since it was our last class, the couples all decided to go out for dinner at BJ's afterwards. It was so much fun getting to know them all even more. And the stares from other dinners were pretty comical... seeing 5 very pregnant ladies walking in a row. How bizarre!

I am still fighting my sickness. I had a fever most of friday and saturday but it's gone now and left me with sniffles, coughing, spitting, and blowing my nose. I also still have a crick in my neck that I got from sleeping at my sisters house. It wasn't her fault of course... I totally slept on it wrong. But I feel like its getting more stiff. So I'll be looking into a local chiropractor this week. Oh I wish I could just go to the one I love in SD... but thats just not going to happen.

My dad is coming for a quick visit this thursday. He travels a lot for work and will be meeting with some schools in the area so he gets to come by for a visit. I can't wait. I miss my dad SO much... so I'm really looking forward to it. He'll come again after the little girl is born while my mom is here. I am stoked.

Baby: She's getting bigger... I can tell. Specially the amount of people asking me if I'm having twins. sadness. After this week... We're gonna do it all to get her out as soon as we can. haha. I just hope it works. But her little movements are still so fun to feel.

Mom: looking forward to our LA shower this weekend. Its a co-ed pool party shower and it's gonna be a blast. I can't believe how close we are getting to holding our little girl.

getting anxious.

I have now an overwhelming feeling to see my baby. And of course that would also mean to have my body back a little bit (all but the boobs I guess) which would be nice. But I can't wait to hold her in my arms and see her little eyes. See her in her little outfits and wrapped in blankets.

The last few days I've had a bit of a cold. It started with the awful soar throat and now I have a hacking cough.. not very easy without abdominal muscles. But it should be gone soon. I haven't had a cold or anything for such a long time I guess I was due. haha.

34 weeks.

Well our weekend was awesome... but boy did it wear me out! The shower was so much fun. I can't wait to post the pictures when I get em. It was so nice getting to see so many awesome friends who were just as excited as me for our little girl. We got so much good stuff that we needed, and I feel more ready then ever for her arrival. We're borrowing the infant car seat and stroller from my sister... and its all in the car. installed. and ready for another round of baby. And since we were down at my sisters house we did most of her laundry. Knowing that that's all ready to go too is fun.My eldest sister Jen came out for the shower and brought a bunch ofclothes, toys and blankets that we all wore when we were little and they are so rad! I already know what i want her to wear home from the hospital.

It was rad having my sister here for a few days. I showed her as many bits of LA as possible. We had breakfast at aroma, went down to west hollywood for shopping and had lunch at CPK. Next day we went to Glendale to the galleria and the americana.

Heres me and naz at the place we got married 6 years ago.

We can't wait to bring the girl here.

baby: I told my doctor my plan to try and induce labor at 37 weeks and she was totally fine with the idea. So in 3 weeks we'll start pushing on the pressure points. haha.

me: Since the weekend my feet have been swelling like mad. its pretty funny to look down and not recognize your own feet. And life is becoming a little more uncomfortable and slow... but I'm still having a blast being pregnant.

And some sad news: I totally burnt my tea kettle to oblivion. I thought I had turned the stove off and was letting the water cool a bit, but I went in there and it was already gone. The handles were totally melted and the pretty blue color now has brown spots all over. The smell was awful, I couldn't even look inside. I loved that kettle, and I can't seem to find it anywhere online... like they don't make it make it anymore or something. Oh well... I guess its a travesty of a pregnant brain.

shower.

I'm having my first baby shower tonight down here in San Diego. I can't wait. Its going to be so much fun to talk about my little girl all night.

I got a rad dress/outfit that I can't wait to wear. I feel like I've been wearing the same three things everyday. So it was tons of fun to go and feel like a cool girl again. haha. It sounds so vain! but i couldn't show up to such a cute party that my sisters and bff are planning wearing janky jeans and a tank top. haha.

Today is also Nazareth's and I's 6 year anniversary. We went to lunch at sushi deli. We have yet to find a sushi place in LA with as good and as much variety as this place. oh it's so good. After lunch we went to Balboa Park and hung out at the place we got married. It was emotional for me for sure. Thinking about how gracious God is to us. I had no idea how perfect Naz was for me when we got married. But God knew. He knew exactly the man I would need for the rest of my life. And now we are getting ready for the next phase in our life. We can't wait to kiss her little fingers.

33 weeks.

The reason I stopped blogging last week wasn't because I wasn't doing my list, but because my power cord (and my extra one one hand) decided they didn't want to work anymore. At first I thought it could have been the battery, so I took it in to get looked at yesterday. Thank the Lord it was the cord (hey that rhymes) which they replaced under warranty, AND they replaced my key board. I guess I had a kind that was under recall... it had started to crack, so they replaced it. For Free! and I feel like I have a whole new macbook.

The list: Things are flying off it now. Last weekend Nazareth and I were able to get the shelves we wanted for the living room and for the baby's room. Her room looks so complete now! Of course there are still some things that need to be done, like hanging curtains and some pictures, but it looks like her room now. So rad.

I got a dress for my baby shower today which is a huge load off my mind. I am down to about 4 things I wear? I just can't justify spending any money on something I know I'm not going to need in a few a weeks.

Mothers day: I woke up to breakfast in bed (the first time Naz ever made eggs) and a home made card and some flowers. It was the sweetest thing ever. I am constantly in awe of how romantic my husband is. That day we went to see a 5 dollar movie, and then our birth class. It was the perfect day. It even included a stop at a thrift store where I scored a little vintage white whicker hamper.

Baby: I had to go in for another ultrasound today. Why? I dunno. Cuz they want more money. They said that she is already about 6 pounds. I kinda doubt that... but I'm sure she is close. With that said, I've always felt that she was going to come early. So now I just feel more sure of it. If I am at 33 weeks now, in 4 weeks she will be full term and I'll start doing everything possible to get labor going. HA! we'll see hu? God could have completely different plans for us.

Mom: I'm getting really excited for my shower this weekend. My sister Jen is flying into LA tomorrow night and I can't wait to go pick her up. I am a little worried when I look at our registries and see that nothing has been bought. But there is nothing that our Heavenly Father can not provide for His children.

so much done.

I didn't blog yesterday due to the fact that I was kicked out of the apartment yesterday. They had to redo the entrance way and stairs to our apartment which means... a ruthless smell in the house, and me feeling sick. I was bummed that I had to leave but I used the time to get a lot of stuff done. These were things that needed to be done for at least over a month.

1. Got the car washed. Our little black car was looking more grey with all the dirt on it. My sister is coming next week and there was no way I was letting anyone else inside that car until it was cleaned. It looks great now.

2. Went to the mall: Returned some stuff at Macy's and got mothers day cards. I also realized how out of style my 8 month pregnant style has become. This is why I stay out of stores. When you don't have the money, ignorance is sure bliss.

3. Got extra keys made. We have been using one key to our apartment for some time. No longer.

4. Returned some junk at Bed Bath and Beyond.

5. Got to the beauty supply.

I was also able to throw in a 5 dollar movie, lunch at panera (which, they put meat in everything I got... had to go back and get it again.) And was able to spend some time reading.

As far as the embroidery project, I got the stencil transferred. And now its onto picking out some colors and starting to stitch.

TODAY: I need to spend some time cleaning. (and do my nails.)

one thing checked.

ok maybe two.

Yesterday i posted that I needed to get the invite list and addresses to Brandy and Jen and by George its done.

I also called about the hospital tour and got the dates they have available. Looks like we are going in May 25th at 5pm. I am just waiting for the girl to confirm the reservation before I officially cross it off.

TODAY: I need to get started on my embroidery project for the little girl. I have done other pieces for friends but when it came to doing something for the little girl I didn't really know what I wanted to do. But now I think I have a pretty good idea so now it is simply just getting the prep done. The stitching part is the fun part, and it is something I can do while in bed or on the couch at night. So getting the pattern onto the fabric is what I want to work on today.

(this is a pillow I made for a friends baby girl)

32 weeks. to do list.

I am so lazy. And I really don't want to be anymore. Simply because I have a list that is growing and there is a definite deadline. I have at least 5 weeks till I am full term, and I would really like to be done with everything then so that I can just hang back and chill and wait for this little girl to get here. Already I am seeing the calendar fill up... and my mobility slowing down. So the time is now.

I have always been the type of person who does much better with accountability: loosing weight, at work, in my relationship with Jesus... So this blog is now going to be my "to do list" accountability partner. I would love to say "one thing a day"... but there are some things on the list that are going to have to wait for Naz and the weekend. So I'm just going to write that day's "to do."

on going: get brandy the names and addresses for our LA shower.

today: call the hospital to set up a time to tour the maternity ward.

mom: when my sister was pregnant this last time she started to get this crazy pain in her hip/leg/groin area and now I have it. Its the craziest thing. So now instead of developing a waddle... I now have swagger. (BAH!) If it wasn't for that.. I would feel just fine. slower... but fine.

oh and I think I've been getting braxton hicks contractions. my belly gets all hard for a while.. so I'm assuming thats them?

baby: I got worried the other day when it seemed like her movements slowed down. I started counting them and it was fine, but it was a little nerve racking. I hope she never does that again. haha. For now she's back to her ol' antics now.

31 weeks. 28 years.

Sunday was my birthday AND the feast of first fruits... bonus Easter.

We went down to San Diego for all the festivities. My sister Jamie's birthday was on the 11th, so Naz and her husband Rob wanted to have a huge party for us. We talked them down and into just having a dinner for a few friends. That morning consisted of Jamie and I going to get our nails done. It was SO nice. Then I went and got my hair cut at my old salon and it was awesome getting to see my friends. After lunch at Panera, we went back to the house where of course... I took a nap.

The dinner theme was "spanish." The boys made tappas and had red and yellow flowers and napkins out. They even got freshly made churros with chocolate dipping sauce for desert. It was delicious, and we had a blast eating, laughing, and playing catch phrase. A big joke of the night included the fact of how badly written my blog posts are. It was pretty great. And I vow to try harder at making my posts more readable, and not such run on ramblings.

Easter was great. Very chill. We went to our home church Park Chapel... and it was great seeing our old church family. There were many belly rubs which was lots of fun. After church we went home to eat leftovers and have an easter egg hunt. After naps we left for Naz's aunt's house to say hi and then on our way back home.

I am now beginning to have the feelings of... "crap! i gotta get stuff done!" My to do list is now growing in length with things I'd like to finish. I'll have to expound more on that later.

mom: I've had a bit more energy these last few days. not sure why... but i'll take it. I'm still sleeping well... maybe too well? Naz laughs at how quickly I fall asleep. "I ask you a question, you answer, I turn around and your gone... fast asleep." I think its pretty awesome.

baby: Still moving around and I'm sure she's getting cuter. Her cousin Noah got a big kick out of feeling her movements over the weekend. I think it finally dawned on him that I was going to have a baby. I can't wait for the three of them to hunt eggs together. I missed out on being around cousins growing up so it makes me happy to know that this little girl wont. Even better that they are boys.

30 say what?!

i can't believe we only have 10 or less (or more) weeks left. it feels like we just told everyone. so crazy how fast its gone.

We are starting on her room, now that the rest of the house is put away. I found a dresser and mirror combo on craigslist... called them up... and that night we went and got it. We were so surprised that it fit in the back of our little car. The lady who sold it to us was super nice, it felt like we got it from a friend. She said that the furniture had been in her family for about 75 years. It had belonged to her grandmother. So sweet. She had it refinished a little while back in the shabby chic style. It really isn't my preference, but it looks fine for now and I can see myself in a few months repainting it solid white.

But for now it looks great in her room, and it already has a few items that we've been given for her. I am already loving hand-me-downs.

Naz and I are still going to our Bradley Birth classes and still loving 'em. Here is Naz volunteering to be a mom in labor. It was pretty funny. Through these classes, I am feeling really prepared for our natural birth, and that has been a great feeling. Naz is too, which was my biggest prayer in the beginning. We feel confident that we are doing all we can to learn and educate ourselves on the whole

process. I'm actually looking forward to it! Naz has always been skweamish (how do you spell that word?) when it comes to hospitals and blood, but I think being prepared with how to help me and what to do is calming all his fears. I have dreams about being in labor where I am completely calm and relaxed... and that just makes me excited.

mom: the diabetes diet is going well. I really wish I had more variety, but I know I'm doing good for my body, and for the little girl. I think it is also helping me keep my weight down. Which hasn't been an issue, but now I know its really not going to be. gotta stay posi right?

baby: "Holy cow!", is what I say most often when she is pushing every which way against me. I swear she uses my right hip as leverage. I'm trying to get a good video of the alien like movements but they don't come out so well. But I'll keep trying.

1st official pregnancy rant

its getting close. and i understand people have opinions and their own experiences. but when i even barely mention my plans for a) a natural birth b) raising our baby c) how and when i go back to work d) how i have to eat now... i have to hear all the negativity. everyone else gets to be an adult and make decisions. why can't i? and now everyone knows why we aren't saying the ideas we have for names for our little girl.

i think this is all stemming from the fact that all i want is some frozen yogurt. i guess im starting to get grumpy. i'm really missing food now. its not fair when people tell me "all i ate was candy and ice cream"

29 weeks.

My appointment with the dietician went well. Well enough I guess. I am now having to eat a certain amount of carbs, protein, and fats at every meal. And the adjustment has been a little rough. But we are confident that i'll be able to get through it, and that it is the best thing we can do for our little girl right now.

The apartment is really coming along. And if I only got a fresh batch of energy and nesting feelings it would have been done days ago. But... I haven't been feeling much up to anything. I have been having more hashitmotos symptoms now.. and then not eating as much carbs brings down my energy. I basically would love to sleep all day.

Last night we found a dresser and mirror on craigslist that we liked for her room. So we went over and bought it. It even fit in our car! it was amazing. So now things are coming along for her room, and it feels so nice to be putting together a little place for her.

28 weeks. all moved in.

Third trimester? Are you kidding me? I can't believe it. It seems to have gone so fast. I know I still have about 12 weeks to go... but when i think about how fast the previous 28 have gone? I'm going to blink and be holding my little girl.

other then that. the move went great! With all the prep Naz and I did, it made move day much easier. My bff Carly came up Thursday night and helped and we hung out on friday. It was so rad to get to see her and just chill. Friday night Jamie and Rob and the boys drove up and Jamie stayed till Monday night. We got so much done and couldn't have done it without them. Mike and Jen Wildermuth came saturday morning to help with the heavy lifting. We are so blessed. Our apartment is already set up and feels like our home. All thats left is setting up the little girls room. She is going to love it.

baby: she has really stepped up her movement. I swear someone told her I was ticklish. She's always giving me the giggles. She is gaining fat and is now a little over 2 pounds.

momma: I have gestational diabetes. Not very encouraging to hear, especially since I have been eating really well... and doing my best to eat balanced. I go into a dietician on Friday. While on the phone with her she encouraged me that the ideas we have of diabetes has nothing to do with gestational diabetes. And she has had plenty of women come in who are marathon runners and super healthy but still have it. I don't have most of the common causes (like being overweight, drinking soda) so it is a bit confusing. She mentioned that my hashimotos might be playing a role in it. But oh well. I just gotta adjust. We only have 3 more months.

27 week pics.

ok so its 27 weeks and a few days... but better late then never. today i actually did my hair and makeup. so today was as good a day as ever.

27 weeks. and moving.

gosh we've been busy. we are moving into our new apartment this weekend... so every chance we get we are moving over everything we can carry on our own. and when i say we i mean naz. he has been moving stuff over and then i put it away. we are making really good progress... and when it comes time to move the big stuff... it shouldn't take too long.

my best friend carly is going to come up for friday to help me. and then my sister jamie and her husband rob are coming up for saturday and sunday to help with the big stuff. we are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. life is never fun alone.

this last weekend, naz was on call to go and be a prelim judge for the new show x-factor. he ended up not having to go down there so we were able to get stuff done. sunday we went and registered at babies r us. i love my amazon registry more... but its nice to have a brick and mortar store too... for all the little basics we are going to need.

we also made it to our bradley class... which i thought i was going to have to go alone... but we made it. and at the end of class the husbands got a massage by us wives. naz knows that somehow they are going to end up paying for it.

baby: she's almost 2 pounds! we were given a sample diaper at babies r us... and have been freaking out about how cute and small it is. it seemed to make it so real. we now have the diaper out and grab it periodically. it's just so cute.

mom: so since i failed my glucose test last week... i now have to go in for a 3 hour test. where they test my blood sugar levels. the lame thing about it is that i can't eat or drink anything for 8 hours before my test. which means... right now. so i'm going to bed and hoping it isn't the worst thing ever tomorrow. luckily naz gets to go with me. praise God.

i'll try to take a pic later in the week.

some days are just for crying.

i failed my glucose test. so i have to go in and take a more annoying test. where i can't eat breakfast and then go in a get my blood drawn every three hours... continuing not to eat or drink. so lame.

oh well. i've had it pretty good so far.

26 weeks.

today was my check up at the doctors. all is going well of course. i am up 15 pounds now.. which i think is pretty good. i stayed at 10 for so long that i was getting a bit worried that she wasn't gaining enough. i eat super healthy... so i am not worried about any weight that i gain during the next 3 months. my doctor wants me to see a cardiologist. something i've known i should do, but just been busy with other things.

i can't believe all the stuff thats going on right now. the move is big enough... and then add the impending birth of our daughter in less then 4 months. and the fact that i need clients at work. it's hard not to feel defeated.

i know without a doubt that God provides. and has always provided for naz and i. but it has been about 9 months since i started working and i still have yet to build a solid clientele. i feel like a disappointment most weeks when it comes to that area of my life.

but God who is rich in mercy never fails to show me how much i am loved by Him. and when He wills for me to be crazy busy... i will be. He knows what i am able to handle. and knows what is needed for us to be taken care of.

and on a sunday

had another great bradley class today. we talked more about birth and i think naz and i are realizing how much dang information there is to learn. there are so many choices and decisions to be made. so naturally... we are now beginning to think about hiring a doula. our bradley instructor is a doula... but its going to all come down to money. which is lame... but its reality. more research.

we finished up the painting in the new apartment today. it looks so good. i can't wait to start moving our stuff in and putting things on the walls. i'm also looking forward to going through our closets and getting rid of stuff we don't need. its the weirdest thing. i'm not a shopper. or a hoarder... but we still end up with all this useless stuff. where does it come from? i guess its just that at some point i thought we did need it. naz likes to think we will need it again... so its up to me to just get rid of it.

it has been raining non stop today. which makes LA into a flooded city with all the streets are turning into big puddles. glad i have my wellys.

25 weeks. and an ambulance ride.

I don't know if i've ever talked about my SVT. It is when your heart races abnormally for no reason other then the electrical system in my heart is jacked up.

It has been happening more often now that I'm pregnant. This week alone... 3 times. But last night it wasn't converting on its own, even after doing all the usual tricks, so Naz called the paramedics. When they got to the house they didn't seem to think there was too much going on with me. I was pretty calm, just sitting on the couch. But when they hooked me up to their machines and saw that my heart beat was over 260... we started talking about options. Though I didn't want to have to go into the ER, they felt it was best for the baby to go in and get checked out... they couldn't leave me in the state that i was. And my heart going the fast for much longer would ultimately put her into distress.

So in goes the IV, and out goes little Joy Joy for yet another ambulance ride (this time with the sirens on). On the way to the hospital it went down to 230 but it wasn't converting. When they got me in and saw the doctor... we tried some more non-medical ways to get the heart to convert, and it was now over an hour that it was going nuts. I was going to have to have the Adenosine.

Of course our only concern was for the little girl. This whole time they were monitoring her, listening to her heart.. and the nurses even got to see her move through my skin. She was giving them a show for sure. After they cleared that the adenosine would be fine for her... and they talked it over with Naz as well, they hooked it up. I've had it before... and it is not fun, but not painful. It basically restarts the heart. It feels like there is a house on top of you... and then the house begins to squeeze your whole body. It only lasts for a few seconds but it feels like an hour... waiting for your heart to start again.

With my heart rate back down to a more normal 80.. they took us up to Labor and Delivery to monitor the baby girl. The upside to all of this, was that we got to hear her little heart beat for a whole 25 min. It was nice and strong and normal; and she was so active, moving around and kicking. It was time to go home.

Today I will be taking it easy. Though these episodes are not painful, it does take a lot out of me. And the worst is feeling the phantom feelings that its back again for the next day or two.

There is so much to do in the 15 days before we move. We painted over the weekend and it is looking great. We just need to finish her room and then we will be done with the paint. Onto cleaning and organizing...and getting the carpets cleaned. (after my day of naps of course)

Sunday we had our first bradley birth class. It was really fun to get to be with other couples going through the same things as us, and being able to all talk about our little girls and boys. The class was really encouraging and I think it is going to be such an asset.

baby: Considering what happened... she's a champ. My only prayer is that the adenosine won't have any lasting effects on her. We were assured that it won't... but it's still hard to think about. I've been so cautious to not take anything...and here they are giving me a drug that stops my heart for a few seconds. It is all in God's hands and not mine. He is mighty to save.

me: i've talked enough about me.

24 weeks. back home.

What an awesome vacation! We had such a blast, and are now ready for the rest of the crazy year.

We had a great flight home and somehow arrived early! Our shuttle driver was from India and told us all kinds of unknown facts about India and the Indian people. "You wouldn't believe it if i told you... that Jesus is actually buried in India." he was right... we don't believe it.

During the trip, Naz and i talked about how much fun it will be that the next time we come we will have a little girl with us, a little girl who recently decided to start kicking a lot. She's getting strong too, she moves my whole body when she moves....so weird.

Now that we are home, all i can think about is getting ready for her to come, even though I should be unpacking. We are able to move into a 2 bedroom apartment in the same complex we are in now which is SO rad. We love where we live and now having a bedroom for the little girl just makes it even better. I had no idea where i was going to put her or any of her stuff in our little place, but now its on to cleaning, de-cluttering, organizing, and painting a new apartment. Lord give me strength.

baby: like i said... she is moving. a lot. She might not be lazy like we were hoping. haha. It's great that Naz can finally feel her move. I love our family time.

mom: I did surprisingly well on our trip. I had lots of energy to keep up with everyone else. our last day i got a little burnt so i stayed home for the second beach adventure, but i did much better then i thought i was going to... energy is an awesome thing.

loving.

We are loving our time here in hawaii.... so what if it rained the first two days? and it wasn't just typical hawaii rain... it was a solid downpour. Today it cleared up enough for us to try some snorkeling. Jon wasn't feeling too well so he and Jen stayed at the house while Naz and i went down to Kapa'a for lunch and to go to some shops. We then went to 'Anini beach and Naz talked me into going into the water. It was a little chilly but it was mostly because of the pounding wind and the sun wasn't out completely. Naz saw a huge blue fish but i missed it. When we got out i noticed this local guy combing thru the sand with a little jar, i asked him what he was collecting and he showed me these tiny little sea shells. they were so rad! Naz and i spent the next 20 min collecting them... I'm so excited to bring them back home to the jar of sand that we brought home the last time we came.

at 'anini beach

at ke'e beach

23 weeks. hawaii tomorrow

we leave in the morning for hawaii. i'll have to write more about what a blessing it is to get to go. how things that aren't that important in the whole scheme of life... like going on a vacation.. are still important to God and He wants to use them to bless His kids.

the house is clean. laundry done. bags packed. and the pigs are at their aunty brandy and uncle ash's house for the week. jen and jon are here asleep in the living room and we are getting ready for bed.

i've been busy preparing for our trip that i didn't take a 23 week picture. but i figure there will be plenty of time to do that while in hawaii. with a much better backdrop then my shower curtain.

aloha.

mom: trying not to get freaked out about all the little things and trying to just enjoy the ride. oh and milk of magnesia is awesome.

baby: apparently she can hear pretty well... and she's still moving around the same as last week. naz finally got to feel her a few days ago and that was pretty cool.

22 weeks. and one great weekend.

technology-wise... i am on a high. my sister gave me her old iphone which was someone else's old iphone so now... i have an iphone. she drove all the way up here to hang out and to give it to me. also to lend me her camera and video camera for our trip to hawaii. it's so great having a nice camera. we really need one. not only do they come in hand around town but in just 4 months or so... we are going to want one in our hands all the time. we were suppose to go up to nazareth's grandparent's house in lompoc for the long weekend. but a storm on friday night and saturday kinda made that not happen. mimi and pops (his grandparents) thought they had a slab leak... and the winds were bad and just all around yucky. so we stayed home. it is so nice having naz around to hang out with. we should be sick of each other by now... but nope.

saturday we mostly lounged around the house with his hands on the belly trying to feel her. he has only felt her move about twice, and swears that she waits to move when he leaves. i on the other hand am convinced that she feels her daddy and is comforted.. so she falls asleep.

sunday the skies cleared up and los angeles is gorgeous after the rain. we could also see the snow on the mountains, and there was a ton. we went to the local farmers market and got some ridiculously good apples and oranges. and then from there went to a nearby thrift store. i have found gems in it before.. so walking in i was excited to see what we would find... when lo and behold...i saw it. the best picture of Jesus ever. haha. it was even half price. double bonus. it's going to look great above our bed. i've been looking for something to go there forever. so now.. maybe i'll feel like the room is complete.

onto the book store and then lunch and finally at home for nap time. our church started a 5 o'clock service which is rad. the sermon melted my heart and if you get a chance to listen to it.. you should. reminds us of how fickle we are but how constant and full of grace our God is. who knew hosea would rock so much.

baby: today we hit 22 weeks. shes been moving around a lot more and stronger now. naz and i talk about how we are gonna want to pinch her little legs and bottom.

mom: still feeling awesome. i go in for my check up tomorrow which i'm looking forward to... naz's office is down the street from the doctors so i get to stop in and say hi, and he can show off the nerd. i also went and bought some maternity/clothes that fit this week. which is always fun.