where the heck have I been?

oh yeah... falling in love!

We are 7 weeks into this whole baby thing and life couldn't be sweeter. She is just perfect... and we are having a blast at being new parents.

I feel extremely fortunate to have the daughter that I do. She has been such a blessing already to us in her little life. I can't wait for all whats to come, but I'm definitely enjoying the place where she is. (in bed.. j/k)

It's so funny to me that all the horror stories I've heard from random people (usually clients) and what is portrayed on television have been so blown out of proportion. I was always told that having a baby would be the hardest thing I would ever do. And yes its true that it's hard... but i heard it so much that I would think.. "then why have a kid if its such torture?"

I know I've already written about all the doubters of my choice to have a natural drug free birth. And I know I had it easy, in that my first labor and birth was fast. But I look back knowing that I used all the knowledge I had learned over my pregnancy, and that I was prepared and unafraid for the task that God had prepared me for. And I believe with all my heart that it's possible.

So being a mom is possible too. I can see now how God has been preparing me. Gosh! same thing when I got married! People said.. "you think you know Naz now?" or "Marriage is so rough" And again... yeah sometimes I don't like Naz very much.. but I wouldn't trade him for anything. And because we were prepared, and because I actually did know him well... the transition into marriage wasn't bad at all. It was the natural progression of our relationship.

And now I see that the same thing has happened with this little girl. Naz felt so different the day she was born... but not me. Again I saw it as the natural progression from each day that had gone before during the pregnancy. So that when she came, I felt like... "of course! i've been a mom all along"

What a joy it is to know you have Gods plan for your life. And for me that includes this little girl. One who is not easy... who loves to cry for no reason.. who doesn't like the car?... but has the best smile in town. Knowing that God has prepared me.. and will continue to prepare me for each little step.. is definite relief.

adjustment to motherhood.

we are 21 days in... sometimes it feels like it might as well be a year.

at her first doctors appointment the doctor wanted us to take her into the E.R because she was looking pretty blue all over. So with me in tears we drive over to Cedars. They did an echo-cardiogram on her (which i've had done too!) and found that there was nothing wrong.. Praise the Lord. the reason for her blue-ness was no doubt the freezing doctors office coupled with having to strip her down to weigh her. Also at that appointment we learned that she was down to her 10% allotted weight loss and that she needed to start gaining from that day on. My milk still hadn't come in, and she hadn't had gone poop for now almost 5 days. This added more to my tears to the E.R for sure.

So with her heart officially perfect, it was time to tackle the feeding. In my heart I was really ok and prepared that breast feeding wasn't going to work out for us. Of course I was disappointed, but knew that having her gain weight and be healthy was most important. The part about formula that worried us the most was the cost. It's expensive. And we just don't have the extra income for it. But what have I been saying all along? That God provides. The morning after we went to the E.R and started to supplement, Naz went to the mailbox and inside was a jar of formula. It must have been a sample from the company or something... but I don't remember signing up for anything. Regardless, God knows our needs and always provides for His children.

Theres a place in town called the Pump Station, where they specialize in breastfeeding support and consultations. We went in for a consultation with one of their experts and got a plan of attack to try and get my milk flowing. I was overwhelmed for sure and felt pretty defeated. I was not enjoying breast feeding at all! We decided to give it till that friday. If my milk still hadn't come in we would stop all the teas, herbs, and pumping around the clock. Sure enough it came in on day 12. So now we are back on track, and don't have to worry about the cost of formula.

whew. theres a lot to being a mom in the first 3 weeks. But she is doing great now. And we are having a blast seeing her change and grow every day.