I know it might seem like I have been MIA but I've actually switched gears and am now working on a new blog. something a little less like a diary. so go on over and follow it! like right now. ahora! (thats spanish for "do it")

quite the novice. 

baby talk.

This morning when we heard Viola start to wake up from her sleep, Naz and I both ran to get her... so excited to see her little gummy smiles. We love her.

I try really hard not to talk baby talk in front of other people... but at home... its all that comes out of my mouth!

Naz's baby talk is probably the best. It's pretty much just him telling Viola all the things she's going to enjoy out of life. Todays topics included:

- riding bikes

- playing with her cousins and the guinea pigs

- being crazy with her crazy aunts Erin and Emma. (Emma is just a few years older than Vi)

- going to Hawaii

- and eating ice cream.

This weekend went to0 fast.

8 weeks old tomorrow.

Good grief I'm so in love. She smiles so much now and it is just heaven.

Today the girls from my birth class are coming over with their babies. Its gonna be so cute to have 4 babies here all the same age. I'm just stoked that we made friends out of this class. It helps when you all go through something as major as pregnancy together. And now we're gonna be moms together.

Good news is that Vi is still sleeping her 8 hour stretches The funny thing... is that now she wants to go to bed at 7 rather then 9. So when I just had to get up at say 5 am to feed her I'm now back to getting up at 3. But the other night she slept for 10 hours... so I'm sure she will start making that her common, and I'll be back to just waking up at 5 and then 8 or 9.

And I do not like garbage trucks. Their ridiculously loud noises wake babies up from naps.

where the heck have I been?

oh yeah... falling in love!

We are 7 weeks into this whole baby thing and life couldn't be sweeter. She is just perfect... and we are having a blast at being new parents.

I feel extremely fortunate to have the daughter that I do. She has been such a blessing already to us in her little life. I can't wait for all whats to come, but I'm definitely enjoying the place where she is. (in bed.. j/k)

It's so funny to me that all the horror stories I've heard from random people (usually clients) and what is portrayed on television have been so blown out of proportion. I was always told that having a baby would be the hardest thing I would ever do. And yes its true that it's hard... but i heard it so much that I would think.. "then why have a kid if its such torture?"

I know I've already written about all the doubters of my choice to have a natural drug free birth. And I know I had it easy, in that my first labor and birth was fast. But I look back knowing that I used all the knowledge I had learned over my pregnancy, and that I was prepared and unafraid for the task that God had prepared me for. And I believe with all my heart that it's possible.

So being a mom is possible too. I can see now how God has been preparing me. Gosh! same thing when I got married! People said.. "you think you know Naz now?" or "Marriage is so rough" And again... yeah sometimes I don't like Naz very much.. but I wouldn't trade him for anything. And because we were prepared, and because I actually did know him well... the transition into marriage wasn't bad at all. It was the natural progression of our relationship.

And now I see that the same thing has happened with this little girl. Naz felt so different the day she was born... but not me. Again I saw it as the natural progression from each day that had gone before during the pregnancy. So that when she came, I felt like... "of course! i've been a mom all along"

What a joy it is to know you have Gods plan for your life. And for me that includes this little girl. One who is not easy... who loves to cry for no reason.. who doesn't like the car?... but has the best smile in town. Knowing that God has prepared me.. and will continue to prepare me for each little step.. is definite relief.

adjustment to motherhood.

we are 21 days in... sometimes it feels like it might as well be a year.

at her first doctors appointment the doctor wanted us to take her into the E.R because she was looking pretty blue all over. So with me in tears we drive over to Cedars. They did an echo-cardiogram on her (which i've had done too!) and found that there was nothing wrong.. Praise the Lord. the reason for her blue-ness was no doubt the freezing doctors office coupled with having to strip her down to weigh her. Also at that appointment we learned that she was down to her 10% allotted weight loss and that she needed to start gaining from that day on. My milk still hadn't come in, and she hadn't had gone poop for now almost 5 days. This added more to my tears to the E.R for sure.

So with her heart officially perfect, it was time to tackle the feeding. In my heart I was really ok and prepared that breast feeding wasn't going to work out for us. Of course I was disappointed, but knew that having her gain weight and be healthy was most important. The part about formula that worried us the most was the cost. It's expensive. And we just don't have the extra income for it. But what have I been saying all along? That God provides. The morning after we went to the E.R and started to supplement, Naz went to the mailbox and inside was a jar of formula. It must have been a sample from the company or something... but I don't remember signing up for anything. Regardless, God knows our needs and always provides for His children.

Theres a place in town called the Pump Station, where they specialize in breastfeeding support and consultations. We went in for a consultation with one of their experts and got a plan of attack to try and get my milk flowing. I was overwhelmed for sure and felt pretty defeated. I was not enjoying breast feeding at all! We decided to give it till that friday. If my milk still hadn't come in we would stop all the teas, herbs, and pumping around the clock. Sure enough it came in on day 12. So now we are back on track, and don't have to worry about the cost of formula.

whew. theres a lot to being a mom in the first 3 weeks. But she is doing great now. And we are having a blast seeing her change and grow every day.

the day our Viola came along.

viola cruz, coming home.

I've already been told that I shouldn't tell my birth story. Fair warning... if you had a rough time in your labor/birth you might find this a bit irritating... but it is still my (our) story to tell and I think it was pretty cool/amazing how everything turned out.

I've always heard birth compared to a marathon, and while I can completely understand that statement, for me it was like a car crash.

As most of you know, I had been in early labor for about 2 weeks. I felt regular contractions/rushes and was told that I was dilated to 4/5 cm. I wasn't in any pain, so we waited. Walk after walk, night after night we waited for any sign that our little girl was on her way.

Friday the 17th I woke up at about 6:30 am with a pretty strong rush. Again there wasn't pain but I could feel the rush opening my cervix for sure. I feel back asleep only to be awaken 7 min later to another. With this one I woke Naz up and we started to time them. I looked at him and said "I don't think you're going to work today."

We were up (including my mom who had just flown in), eating breakfast, calling our doula Shelia, calling my sister Jamie to get up here from SD, and standing during each rush. They were about 5-7 min apart but I knew we didn't have much time. I began to get in the "zone" during each rush. Standing was the most comfortable for me with Naz or my mom squeezing my hips in.

We left for Cedars Sinai at 9:20 am during morning traffic. A 10 min trip to the hospital was now going to be at least 30. I kept praying for strength to endure since I figured at any point on this car ride things could get a whole lot worse. I was uncomfortable and irritable, but I was focused on keeping my cool and relaxing. I just kept thinking: 'at any point the pain will come and I need to be ready.'

When we got to the hospital I remember saying sternly to Naz "valet!" as we drove into the parking garage. As we were getting on the elevator our doula was right there walking into it with us (awesome). Of course we just needed to go up 2 floors, and the elevator kept going to different floors and people getting on and off. "There's no other elevators for you people to be on?" I still had my sense of humor... good sign.

We got to the check-in desk, bypassed the exam room, and they took us to our labor room. It was about 10:30 am. I remember being so stoked that we got a room with a great view of the Hollywood hills. Just like the one we saw on our tour. It was beautiful. They had me to get on the bed, put on a gown, and get hooked up to the monitors... and thats when I felt pain. Any time I was in a position that wasn't comfortable for me I felt the pain. After the nurse checked me (I was at 8/9 cm and 0 station which meant the baby still needed to come down some ways) I stood right up and said that they were going to have to find a way to monitor me while I stood. My doctor, Suzanne, came in and told the nurse to just use the doppler on me. Bonus! I went to the restroom to go potty and I felt a pop and water gush. Suzanne wanted to check me again now that my water had broken and since I had told her I felt like my body was pushing. I was now at a 10 and she said I could push if I wanted, but of course reminded me that first time moms can push for hours. With that, she left the room.

My sister came through our door all smiles at about 11 am, so glad she didn't miss it. So was I. Even though I was down to business, we were so happy in that room; talking and enjoying the time. I felt really comfortable on the toilet, so back to the restroom I went. I wasn't feeling any pain. none. I felt my body pushing with each rush so i just bared down with each one and moaned to keep my body loose. Naz and our doula Shelia kept rubbing my shoulders down to remind me to keep from tensing up. And though the nurse was obviously uncomfortable with me sitting on the toilet, she still thought that I had a ways to go. (Ha!)

As I sat there between a rush, I felt to see if I could feel anything. I know they said that I could be pushing for a while, and that she was still a little high... but I just knew she had to be closer then they said. Sure enough I could feel the top of her head. I whispered to Naz that I felt her, so he felt her too. I knew if the nurse knew how close I was that she would make me get on the bed. I was much too comfortable where I was. Even when I began to feel a slight stinging. At this point Jamie and Shelia knew I was close. I kept thinking there had to be more... but sure enough...

With a sudden "pop" (for lack of better expression) half her head came out. At this point I thought it was ok to tell the nurse. She yelled "GET ON THE BED NOW! YOU CAN NOT HAVE YOUR BABY IN THE TOILET!" um yeah lady "duh doy"... so I waddled over to the bed with half her head out and got on my knees and elbows across the foot of the bed. I was really calm considering the nurse had run out of the room looking for my doctor. Jamie just kept saying... "don't worry we won't let her fall on the ground" I wasn't even aware that she was almost out with no one behind me to catch. Shelia was ready to catch her when a nurse midwife ran in just in time for the next rush that pushed her out all on its own. I could hear her crying but was always expecting more pain so I couldn't believe that the cries I heard were of my own little girl. They handed little Viola Cruz LaMay to me through my legs and I was finally able to hold and see the face I had dreamed about. It was 11:52 am.

Its hard to believe that she's here. The same girl the pregnancy test I took in a Target bathroom on a Monday morning 9 months ago was telling me about. Nazareth and I are in awe of Gods provision and guidance through the whole pregnancy, and the ability to have given birth exactly how we wanted. And now we have a daughter! Who by the way is ridiculously cute. We fall in love with her more and more each day, and can't wait to see all the ways God will work in her life.

38 weeks 4 days and one big girl.

our wait is over. and I can't wait to tell the story... but feeding time is soon.

here is our little girl. Viola Cruz LaMay. 9.4 pounds and 22.8 inches long.

this is my favorite picture of her so far. she was only about 2 hours old... and did I mention the hair? she has a ton of dark hair... perfect for her hairstylist mommy.